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Doubts and Decisions

The last three months have been unsettling and more than a little distressing. I went from what I thought was a fairly healthy life to being diagnosed with acute and chronic diverticulitis, requiring colon surgery. While recovering, I made a few discoveries along the way. WebMD is NOT your friend. I’ve always had a vivid imagination, and now with the internet at my fingertips, I can google all sorts of things. Believe me, it’s better to talk to your doctor than google symptoms. LOL Thankfully, things seem to finally be getting back to normal.

In between binge-watching Disney+ and Netflix, I spent a lot of time scrolling through my Facebook timeline. So many authors are quitting… from Amazon’s detrimental rulings and decisions to TikTok trends encouraging readers to return ebooks, sales are plummeting. It should come as no surprise that many are giving up.

Honestly, it’s crossed my mind too. I haven’t written anything in the last three months, my mind otherwise preoccupied with my health and surgery. Now that I’m feeling better and should start writing again, I find myself staring at a blank wall. The urge to write, the passion for the story isn’t there.

Why bother, anyway? I’ve been writing for seven years, sales have remained minimal, and reviews are practically nonexistent, no matter what I do. Promoting and marketing require money. As a business, I’ve lost so much I should have closed the door years ago, but I love writing and I love my stories… always hoping others would feel the same way. I’ve also got fifteen covers bought and paid for, with stories in mind for each of them. It would break my heart not to use them.

I’m at a low point as an author, it’s not a good feeling. The Imposter Syndrome is real, a vicious creature who tears at your soul. But I’m a fighter… a survivor... it's not